in e end i went..
i really shld applaud myself for my courage to walk up the stage.. i mean it shld b so much easier for me since e judges sitting at the table r ppl i alwiz bump into at mediacorp.. its not my first time tokking to dem.. but yet somehow things r jus so different when i stand up there..
thou i compliment myself for the courage.. but i hate myself for not performing up to my own standards!! i dunno how shld i phrase it.. but wif e semi finals coming up only dis sun.. i dun feel like knowing e results.. i haf no time to prepare. i feel like backing out liao! it means cancelling another tuition.. i noe some of u may say dis is a one in a lifetime experience i shld try n go as far as possible.. but i shld also b practical! i need e tuition fee! ha..
now e position i m in is even more awkward.. i m like back to e earlier option of if i shld continue being a helper or jus leave them totally... i really dunno..
i told myself i was not ready for e auditions but i went.. i din really prepare.. even my intro speech.. i changed n changed.. n when it was my turn i jus blabber on forgetting wad i had in mind at first... when it was e Q & a it was worse.. when hui shi asked me abt e qn of y i shld b a 933 dj? i had formulated the ans. but when i opened my mouth to speak, suddenly my mind went blank.. n i noe dat there shldnt b any dead air or leng chang.. i mus go on tokking.. so i went on blabbering on not knowing wad i was tokking abt.. n that's it..huishi eben corrected me.. n i shld haf known better... i mean after all i haf been hanging ard dem for some time.. i noe e procedure..argh!! wad was i thinking abt??
when i was reading the news.. i noe i shld differentiate b/w e news n e trailer.. buti i was jus too nervous to decide which tone i shld use.. n ended up using the same for both.. at times my sentences were even choppy...
haizz!!!! it really wasnt easy standing up there n i m seriously considering if i wanna go thru e same ordeal again..
meixian asked me y i did not eben prepare my resume.. but was i eben prepared for e contest? i said a lot of times.. i rmb janet say if u r not ready dun accept the challenge if not u will only put urself at a disadvantage. until dis morn.. until i handed in my form i was still in a dilemma..was dis really wad i want? were e judges convinced when i said dis was my dream...
i think meixian knew.. cos she said when i went on the forum programme on air i sound so much better.. i know i know i know!
i can only say dat dis 2 days i wasnt happy at all.. i felt as thou i was suffering.. running away.. it was not a good feeling.. i m jus so stressed lor.. i haf been questioning myself... m i up to it..?? i really dunno e answer leh.. i dun eben noe wad i want..
so when i told my fren i m so envious of u.. u could gif me a definite answer that you r definitely gg for e competition.. wad abt myself?
i think its a knot dat cannot b undone until i get e green light from my dad..
sometimes i really wish i cld tell my family members more abt myself.. my dreams... i wished when i get a piece of good news.. i can call my dad n tell him abt it.. n he will b happy for me.. but i cant...
sometimes it gets lonely when i want to share my feelings wif someone.. n scrolling my hp phonebook not knowing who shld i call or sms..
but thanks to rena n yanling who went down to support me...
the princess left at
11:07 PM
