depressing sia....
i m not feeling too good myself.. a lot of uncertainties.. when u r carrying a stone wif u in ur heart n u cant it let go..it jus feel terrible.
today my driving instructor told me sth which led me to ponder for a while n i almost cried. 当你在苦恼该买那一双名贵的鞋子，我只希望自己有一双腿能走路。
hmm its true.. sometimes i feel i haf been taking a lot of things for granted.. i m blessed to b born in a v good family, my dad always support me financially n i m such a spendthrift.. i like anything i jus buy! i can afford anything i like, gg taiwan 3 times.. learning driving, putting on braces, gg for lasik, eben uni education.. unlike some of my frens who hafta take up tuition fee loan n stuff.. i m so spoilt..
but sometimes i wonder.. so wad if i can afford all dis material stuff.. wad i cant satisfy r my emotional needs.. my family is not close at all..we dun celebrate one another's bdays or wish esch other happy bday. [well sometimes if i rmb, i will cook red eggs wif mee sua for my dad on his bday] a lot of ppl r appalled i dun even speak to my sis once in like one mth, 2 mths, or like 5 sentences in a yr?? i dunno.. n eben if she tok to me its prob things like "i gg to get dinner, wad u want?" or "papa looking for u" blah blah blah..
i m envious of my frens who can tell their parents anything n share their woes wif their siblings.. first i lost contact wif my maternal relatives n my paternal side my uncles r not v close to my dad.. we r like one family on our own..3 individuals living under the same roof.
sometimes i will tok to my dad abt my dream job.. but our family is still e conservative kind n my dad believes dat we shldnt get ourselves invloved in relationships when we r still schooling.. but ar his daughters not young anymore lar.. well my sis is happily attached.. i dunno who is her bf lar.. saw one b4 dunno if its still dat one thou.. got once i met her downstairs we wld jus walk past each other without any acknowledgement sad huh..
i once asked her, y wun u tok to me? u r like jus 13 mths older than me.. by right we shld haf a lot of things to tok abt. arent u envious of other siblings who seem to haf endless things to say to each other.. she answered me, "y shld we b envious of others? dey r dey, i m i, u r u.." i was speechless.. dat's my sis.
when she is unhappy wif wadvea i haf done, she will complain to her bf or frens on her phone abt me at her high-pitched voice so dat i can hear [btw we slp in e same room, nxt to each other] dat's how we "communicate".
in fact she goes out in e morn comes back in e night. when she's home she's either watching tv in e living room or on e phone e min she's home until she falls aslp.
she was closer to my mum.. perhaps if my mum was still ard, my sis wld b happier. i dunno.. my mum dotes on my sis a lot..
the princess left at
12:49 AM
