It's Snow-vember
Global warming is turning the world upside down
Neil Humphreys
news@newstoday.com.sg

ALTHOUGH I no longer live in Singapore, I have considerable sympathy for its residents right now.
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Having experienced such harsh weather conditions, I know it's not easy.
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Those endless grey days; those low, foreboding clouds everywhere you look, the complete absence of sunshine and an uncomfortable stale air.
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Yes, I'll never forget those three years in Manchester.
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So look on the bright side, Singapore. For the last couple of months, the city-state did find itself enveloped by the haze.
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But the last time anyone spotted the sun in Manchester, Eric Cantona was still playing for United.
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Sunshine has undoubtedly been a scarce commodity in Singapore. Earlier this week, locals were again looking up at the sky with an impending sense of dread, but it was okay in the end.
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Air Force One did descend on Paya Lebar Air Base, but President Bush only stayed for a day. Hopefully, he took the haze with him.
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With so much talk about PSI readings, when I first read that "GST" was increasing, I thought the haze had returned. Oh, I don't know. GST. PSI.
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The official acronyms and short forms get a bit "hazy" after a while.
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There is some overlap between the two. Apparently, a number of Singaporeans suffered from dizzy spells and a shortness of breath when the GST increase was announced.
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When it comes to the weather, however, there is no doubt that global warming is turning the world upside down.
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The extremes of temperature Down Under are causing extreme reactions to my "down under".
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I haven't been this cold since I visited the family in England during a harsh Christmas winter. Caught in a sudden flurry of snow, I tried to use Canterbury's public toilets.
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My gloved hands were frozen and my anatomy was in an advanced stage of hibernation. It was like trying to shell a peanut with a pair of boxing gloves.
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Singaporeans endure the periodic haze and the incessant humidity, but they are at least spared England's freezing climes and Melbourne's "four seasons in a day".
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Mention Melbourne to most people and that's generally all they'll say about the Victoria capital.
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"I'm now living south of Melbourne," I tell relatives and friends from England and Singapore. They'll nod with a regal sense of authority and reply: "Melbourne. Hmm. Hope you're ready for four seasons in a day. Ha!"
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Then, they sit back with an air of smug self-satisfaction and wait for you to acknowledge their profound understanding of Victoria's inclement weather.
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Of course, what you really want to say is: "That's the 27th time someone has told me that this week. I am tempted to throw you out the window, but it's not socially acceptable to forcefully eject a little old lady from a Melbourne-bound train."
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But the weather in the Southern Hemisphere has been alarmingly erratic.
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On Wednesday, parts of Victoria experienced snowfall and bush fires on the SAME DAY.
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The calendar insists it's late spring here, but it was the first recorded snowfall in November in history; at a time when Victoria is struggling through its worst drought in history.
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Temperatures have dropped to below 5 degrees and I am being haunted by images of my late grandfather.
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"You call this cold? This is nothing," he'd always bark at me. "When I was your age, I walked through sun, sleet, snow, hail and icy blizzards in shorts, singlet and slippers.
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"And that was just on the way to school."
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Melbourne experiences four seasons in a day. My granddad experienced four seasons in 20 minutes.
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And he's been reincarnated here in the form of an Aussie builder who came to my home last week.
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"You call this cold?" he barked. "You poms need to toughen up. Where you been? Singapore? Ah, well, that's not real weather over in Singapore, is it? This is real weather."
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So, now you know the reason why you've been struggling in recent months. You don't have real weather. According to my climate expert, Singapore has make-believe, "pretend" weather.
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If you want to see a real man's weather; if you want to witness the devastating, all too obvious, impact of global warming, come to Victoria.
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It will certainly shrink your ego.
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And if you're a man, the cold weather will also shrink just about everything else.